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Category: Walk Your Talk

living pono, congruence, authenticity, presence and mana

WALK THE REAL

WALK THE REAL

I’ve been beating my head on the wall I’ve made using the flood of abundance-mindset and positive-thinking books – past and present – that populate my shelves as well as articles and posts and audio tapes and video thingummies and podcasts that lurk in the spaces my computer can reach.

It all sounds so good.  It’s all warm and fuzzy and smiley-face cool.

It’s also cotton-candy unsatisfactory.  I’ve got a really bad sugar-high going and the crash is imminent, looming, and certain.

THERE IS PLENTY – INSIDE AND OUT

It’s a truth, you know.  It really does feel better to understand that, for real, there is plenty for everybody and that we live in a spectacularly abundant natural world.

Understanding that there really is enough for you and yours is a marvelous thing to carry around with you in your head and in your heart.

As a wise old guy I knew once said, “You live most of your life inside your own head, so it makes sense to make sure it’s a good space.”

I’ve always liked that one.  It’s been one of my guiding lights as I wander around in this old world.

lighthouse
“Lighthouse” by Peter Merholz via Flickr [CC BY-SA 2.0]
No matter what’s going on outside, if my inside is together and is what Hawaiians call “pono” – righteous and balanced between myself and others – then I can keep on walking and keep on getting to where I want to go and I can walk lightly instead of stomping around like some cut-rate T. rex.  (Dinosaurs are so yesterday, ya know.)

Building up our internal abundance, as Marianne Williamson points out in her book, EVERYDAY GRACE:  Having Hope, Finding Forgiveness and Making Miracles, does, indeed, work to mitigate external lack and turn it around.

She says, “As long as we remain vigilant at building our internal abundance – an abundance of forgiveness, an abundance of service, an abundance of love – then external lack is bound to be temporary.”  She’s right too.

Teacher, speaker, and author Charles Eisenstein has spent a lifetime looking at the Big Questions (Where do I come from?  Why am I here? Where am I going?) and fiercely focuses on themes like civilization as we know it, human consciousness, money, and cultural evolution.

His is one of the best explanations of the effects of so-called “scarcity thinking” I’ve ever come across.

In his book, THE MORE BEAUTIFUL WORLD OUR HEARTS KNOW IS POSSIBLE, he lays it out:

“From our immersion in scarcity arise the habits of scarcity.  From the scarcity of time arises the habit of hurrying.  From the scarcity of money comes the habit of greed.  From the scarcity of attention comes the habit of showing off.  From the scarcity of meaningful labor comes the habit of laziness.  From the scarcity of unconditional acceptance comes the habit of manipulation.”

And that’s another truth.

ABUNDANCE IS NOT ALL THERE IS

The thing is, I do sort of agree with Richelle E. Goodrich, a poet and novelist who does epic young adult fantasy books and has published a couple of collections of musings about life as well.

In one of her books, SMILE ANYWAY, she says, “You can add up your blessings or add up your troubles.  Either way you’ll find you have an abundance.”

wall-full-of-happy
“Wall Full Of Happy!” by Steve via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
The whole abundance thing can easily get to be…well…sort of dogmatic.

It’s easy to maintain the mindset when you’re surrounded by supportive group-think folks.  It’s like being in the middle of a wonderful group hug.  It feels really good.

But, the whole abundance movement thing can get hairy when you’re not surrounded by like-minded people and affirmations are a really crummy shield when there are guys gunning for you and acting out of their own sense of scarcity and not-enough.

There are predators in the world.

There are manipulators.

There are bad breaks and you can get blindsided by factors and conditions you haven’t noticed or considered.

At any given time, there are resources that you want and need which are not available to you when you want or need them.

While it is a truth that you create your own world, it is also a truth that everybody else creates their own worlds as well…and together we make the world we all have to live in.

The one thing about being human is that nobody is the sole creator of this consensus world of ours nor are we the progenitors of Life-Its-Own-Self.  Humbling, I know, but there it is.

Some parts of our consensus world are not so good.  It’s a work in progress, after all, and the builders often disagree on what goes where and what happens next.

An old proverb (probably German) tells us, “God gives us everything we need, but he doesn’t throw it into the nest.”

well-hello-there
“Well, hello there” by Bill Collison via Flickr [CC BY-NC 2.0]
That one’s been around a long time.  Another truth.  It’s all out there, but you have to notice it.  Then you have to get up and go get it.

I find that I’m leery of the idea that I’m a magnet à la that Law-of-Attraction thing.  I keep seeing images of stuff flying through the air and hitting me upside the head.  Ouch!

MY OWN THOUGHTS

My own thought is that abundance-thinking is just a part of your Living Life toolbox.

What the abundance-thinking mindset helps with is figuring out a way to go for it which does not cause a lot of collateral damage that comes back to bite you or that haunts you until the end of your days.

This, I think, is a very good thing.

Maybe the positivity thing is like vitamins and minerals.  You need a minimum daily dose of the things for your body’s optimal performance and you can take supplement pills to make sure you get them all, but you do have to stay aware that even stuff that’s good for you can kill you if you overdo it.

lucy-in-the-sky-with-diamonds
“Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” by Steven Depolo via Flickr [CC BY 2.0]

THE ANTIDOTE TO THE PARADOX

Perhaps the only antidote to this paradox is developing receptivity and looking at the appropriateness of any given action.

“Receptivity” is all about noticing.  You see and accept what’s in front of you.

“Appropriateness” is doing just enough to move something in a certain direction and nothing more.

It’s like an aikido of the mind.  The whole point in aikido is to notice the direction your partner-in-play is making and to help them go in that direction (perhaps more definitely than they want) and, thus, to move them out of your own way.

aikido
“Aikido” by Javier Montano via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
Then you’re free to go do what you want to do.

ALWAYS MORE QUESTIONS

Here are some questions to consider before you go off loaded for bear or walk through an outlaw town as the guy or gal without a gun:

  • Is the action you’re planning to take an appropriate response to whatever circumstance you are facing?
  • Are you receptive to the world around you? Are there conditions or factors in a situation that could have an impact on what you are trying to do?  What can you do about them?
  • Are you noticing things that are wonky in another person’s walk? What can you do to mitigate the effects of that?
  • Are you noticing things that you are doing that just don’t work? Can you do something different that might work better?

One of my favorite quotes is from poet Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

That last may be the biggest test to run on any action before you take it:  How will it make other people feel?  Are you good with that?

swirling-a-mystery
“Swirling a Mystery…for Kim Marie and Aunt Hinkle” by QThomas Bower via Flicker [CC BY 2.0]
Here’s a poem:


I WILL KEEP WALKING

 I guess it’s confusing for

Some people in my life.

They’re never quite sure

Whether I am a grizzly

Pretending to be a chipmunk

Or a chipmunk

Pretending I’m a bear.

 

I figure that’s cool.

I think that’s fair.

 

The ones who care about me

Apparently don’t mind:

That creature-feature’s just me,

And the ones who love me embrace it,

Knowing that just as they walk their way

I am walking mine.

 

I figure that’s great.

I think that’s fine.

 

The ones who have agendas

And shoulds and oughts and want

Their opinions to have dominion

Are likely to think twice

‘Bout coming at me sideways,

May think the cost of doing that

Might not be worth the price.

 

I figure that’s cool too.

I think that’s nice.

by Netta Kanoho

Header photo credit:  “Making Cotton Candy” by Steven Depolo via Flickr [CC BY 2.0]

Thanks for your visit.  I’d appreciate it if you would drop a note or comment below and tell me your thoughts.

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THOUGHTS ARE YOU

THOUGHTS ARE YOU

I know, I know.  You’ve heard it before and will almost certainly hear it again:  You are the creator of the world you inhabit.  You become what you think.

Every motivational video and podcast producer focused on self-improvement is probably going to whack you upside the head with that one.

Here’s an especially good one published in 2017 by Tom Bilyeu as part of his “Impact Quotes” series.

Bilyeu is an American entrepreneur, the co-founder of Quest Nutrition, maker of a best-selling protein bar.  He is also a powerful motivational speaker and life-trainer.

CLICHES ARE TRUTHS REPEATED SO OFTEN THEY TURN INTO BABBLE….

Every advocate for positive thinking and optimism and every feel-good therapist of every flavor, backed up by all the guys in lab coats who are into probing the secrets of our brains and other aspects of our lives, will haul out this old chestnut at some point.

Even the wise guys who aren’t telling us we’re a bunch of delusional creatures will tell you this.

They’ve built all kinds of thought-constructs that prove that it’s true.  You’ve gotta believe them.  They know, right?

My own favorite is American entrepreneur T. Harv Ecker’s take on the matter.  I’m sure you’ve heard it before.

Ecker has said,

“Thoughts lead to feelings.

Feelings lead to actions. 

Actions lead to results.”

Therefore, once you’re aware of the thought-to-feeling-to-action-to-results progression, you are in a position to change your thoughts.

This will lead you to new feelings and perspectives that will affect the actions you take and the moves you make.

Using this progression, you can get to the results you want…it says here.

Okay.  Fine.  Right.

BUT THEN THERE’S THE PRIMAL QUESTION

I have to confess that I always get a bit squirmy and fidgety when I get yet another hit of this particular bit of nebulous wisdom that pushes me forward onto center stage as the “World-Creator.”

That sort of implies that the burden is on me to get my own world right.

The thing is, it seems to me that it would be a heck of a lot easier to get a handle on being a big-shot World-Creator if I could just figure out the answer to the Primal Question:

SO, WHO AM I AND WHAT DO I REALLY WANT TO DO IN THIS LIFE?

question-mark-block
“Question Mark Block” by Jared Cherup via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
There are, of course, many opinions, positions and theories about how you can find the answer to that question.

There are all kinds of tools you can use to figure out “The Big HUH?”.  Every self-development book probably contains a dozen or so.

Many people have explored this question and returned from their journeys to explain and expound on the answers they found for themselves.  Some may even ring true for you.

ONE OTHER DIRECTION TO EXPLORE

At the start of the 20th century, University of Michigan professor and sociologist Charles Horton Cooley (1864 – 1929) went against the trend of thought held by his fellow sociologists of the time.  They were firmly committed to considering the development of individuals and societies as separate processes.

charles-cooley
“Charles Horton Cooley” by unknown photographer (1902 Michigansenian, page 8) via Wikimedia [Public Domain]
The classic utilitarian (and selfish) individualism of economics, which was promoted by the theories about the dynamics of social interaction held by other sociologists of his time, did not make sense to Cooley.

Cooley argued that society and the individuals in them were not phenomena that can be separated.   He said they were “different aspects of the same thing, for a separate individual is an abstraction unknown to experience, and so likewise is society when regarded as something separate from individuals.”

To Cooley, studying how people develop and behave separately from how a society operates was a lot like dissecting a frog in biology lab class

frog
“Frog” by Becca C via Flickr [CC BY-ND 2.0]
He said, “Our life is all one human whole, and if we are to have any real knowledge of it we must see it as such.  If we cut it up it dies in the process.”

Out of this way of thinking, Cooley developed the concept of the “looking glass self,” which has become known and accepted by most modern psychologists and sociologists.

Cooley’s theory expanded William James’s idea of the self having the capacity to reflect on its own behavior.

According to Cooley, we see ourselves as other people see us, as if reflected in a mirror.  People gain their identity and form their habits by looking at themselves through the perception of society and other people with whom they interact as well as by directly considering their own personal qualities, he says.

ask-answer-choice
“Ask Answer Choice” by Rita M. via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
Whether our beliefs about how other people see us are true or not, it is those beliefs that truly shape our ideas of ourselves.

The following YouTube video, “Charles Cooley Looking Glass Self | Individuals and Society” was published in 2015 by khanacademymedicine.  It gives a good, easy-to-understand explanation of Cooley’s theory.

 

HOLDING UP THE LOOKING GLASS

Tom Bilyeu, who was featured in the first video, is also the host (as well as co-founder and CEO) of Impact Theory, an interview video series exploring the mindsets of the world’s highest achievers.

This next video, “I Am Not What I Think I Am,” was published in 2018 by Fearless Soul  and features life coach Jay Shetty in an interview with Bilyeu.  It presents one way to use Cooley’s “Looking Glass Self” theory to find the life-direction and path that holds the most meaning and mana for you.

Jay Shetty has been called “one of the most viewed people on the Internet internationally.”  Among other things he hosts his own daily show, “HuffPostLive#Follow the Reader.”

In the video, he points out that all of us “live in echo chambers.  We’re just surrounded by the same thinking.  We meet  people who are just like us most of the time.”

Shetty outlines three steps you can make to counter that condition:

  • Expose yourself to new experiences or role models.
  • Find the experiences or role models with the most meaning for you, that you can be passionate about, and take seriously.
  • Ask, “Yes or no? Does that work for me?  Do I want to, for-real, live the life my hero/heroine is living?

This will at least keep you from unquestioningly following what you think the people around you are saying about who and what you are and what you “should” be doing with your life.

It can help you judge for yourself whether a particular lifestyle, with all of its inherent pros and cons, is really how you want to spend your days.

It might put you on the road to finding the life that has meaning and mana for you.

Here’s a poem….


THE WORLD IS MY MIRROR

I have come to the conclusion

That the world is my mirror.

In its many-storied face I can find

Bits that resonate in me,

The hapless spectator with the flat feet.

 

I am like a harp wire, tightly wound,

That awakens as the air is stirred by

The sound of just one other string

Plucked by some insistent hand

That thrums and vibrates through me.

 

The stories are all around me,

Playing themselves out,

No more mindful of me

Than a stream is mindful of

A fallen leaf floating in it.

 

But, here’s the deal:

The stories I NOTICE are the ones

That tell me a thing or two

About what I am and who I am

And why I do my walk.

 

It is the fact that the story snagged my attention,

Raised up banners high,

Started horns tooting,

And fire-bombs flaring…

THAT’S the thing that needs attending.

 

Like the overly-sensitive, alarmingly bleeping parked car

In the middle of a quiet night in the ‘burbs,

It is mine to sort out.

I am the one that has to go deal with the durned thing,

Because it’s my car, my alarm, my concerns, my fears.

 

The world is my mirror.

What is it showing me?

created by Netta Kanoho

Header photo credit:  “Through the Looking-Glass” by August Brill via Flickr [CC BY 2.0]

Thanks for the visit.  I’d appreciate it if you’d share your thoughts and comments.

 

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TEACH SOMEONE AND LEARN BETTER

TEACH SOMEONE AND LEARN BETTER

Every time I open a book I smile.

I remember.  As a child who was just beginning to learn to read, my favorite time was spent sitting on my grandpa’s lap and “teaching” him how to sound out the squiggly lines on the pages.

He would laugh and hug me as I sternly scolded him and got him to sound out the words as I was learning to do in school.  Together we made it through several adventures of Dick and Jane and Spot.

Papa, I suspect, was severely dyslexic.  He could sign his name, but he never learned to read – in English, anyway.

I think those times when he would sit still and let his baby girl “teach” him from her primer books probably set the foundation for my love of books and word-play.

SEE ONE.  DO ONE. TEACH ONE.

In his book, SMART THINKING: Three Essential Keys to Solve Problems, Innovate and Get Things Done, author Art Markman says that the cornerstone of medical education is, “See one.  Do one.  Teach one.”

When medical students are learning a new procedure, the first thing they do is watch someone who knows how to do it carry out the procedure.  This gives them a general idea of how the thing is done.

The student will then practice the new procedure until he or she can carry it out.  Doing it helps the student understand the various elements and techniques involved that aren’t apparent from just watching someone else do the procedure.

After that, the student is encouraged to teach this procedure to someone else.  This helps the student see whether he or she has enough knowledge of the procedure to show someone else how it is done as well as explain, in a simple, understandable way, why the procedure is useful.

As Albert Einstein famously pointed out, “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.”

I found it interesting that these same principles are also used by tradespeople, craftsmen, artists, performers and cooks to pass along their specialized knowledge as well.

discover-the-possibilities
“Discover the Possibilities” by Georgie Pauwels via Flickr [CC BY 2.0]

TEACHING HELPS YOU TEST YOUR OWN KNOWLEDGE

Markman points out that in order to teach somebody else you do need to form a complete and organized, easily-understood explanation of what you’re trying to teach.

It’s like writing down a recipe for making muffins.  Stirring the liquid ingredients into a mound of dry ingredients works a heck of a lot better than vice-versa. It’s a good and helpful thing to mention that to someone making muffins for the first time.

If your attempted explanations confuse your student, it’s probable that you need to work on filling in the gaps in your own knowledge.

  • Perhaps the student doesn’t understand the words you are using. Do you?  Are there other more common words or alternative ways of explaining that you can use instead?
  • Perhaps the student needs more information than you are giving them. Take it back down to a more basic level.  Find out what the student knows and does not know and start from there.
  • Maybe the way you’ve organized and presented the information confuses the student. How can you make the steps easier to follow?  Are some of the important steps in a procedure missing in your attempted explanation?  Are they in the right order?

In 2009, Columbia University professor Simon Sinek was interviewed by Erik Michielsen, founder of Capture Your Flag, a virtual mentoring platform.  The following YouTube Video, “How Teaching Others Build Your Knowledge” is a snippet published around that time.

In it, Sinek says, “Teaching forces you…to break down your knowledge into components that give you a deeper understanding of your own knowledge.”

JUST PLANNING TO TEACH SOMEBODY ELSE HELPS YOU LEARN BETTER

Interestingly, researchers have found that students who thought they were going to be tutoring or teaching others worked harder to understand the material, recall it more accurately, and apply it more effectively.

The guys in the lab coats dubbed this “the protégé effect.”  If we are going to teach somebody else, then we know we need to pay attention to the most important, relevant points and organize them in our minds so that we can present them in a coherent, understandable way.

This way of “relational learning” happened even if, ultimately, the students were not actually required to teach someone else.

This YouTube video, “Why Teaching Others Is the Best Way to Learn” published in 2013 by Art of Smart TV features resident nerd Rowan Kunz explaining the value of teaching others in order to get feedback about your own level of knowledge.

Art of Smart describes itself as a “movement that is changing the world through a new kind of holistic tutoring and mentoring for young people.”

An important point Kunz makes is the one about repetition.  Every time you go back over the material you are teaching someone else, trying to help the other person make sense of it, the knowledge gets embedded more clearly and more deeply into your own mind.

It all helps your brain build neurotransmitter pathways that help you access the information in your head.  Cool stuff!  Perhaps, by teaching (or planning to teach someone else) you’ll find other ways to widen and deepen the knowledge you hold.

ANOTHER TAKE ON TEACHING

There are more than one way to teach.  Some of them don’t use words.

The following YouTube video published by Fred Then in 2014, “Learning By Doing and Not Teaching” dramatizes one little Thai girl’s lessons from her mother, a vendor selling fresh fruits from a trolley at a market in Petchburi province.

The girl, Achara Poonsawat (also known as “Nin”), won a scholarship from the Sarnrak Project that allowed her to complete a Bachelor’s Degree program and become an elementary school teacher.

Nin’s mother’s methods of teaching were not academic since she was herself unschooled.  However, they were based on real-life fact-finding.  Nin’s mother encouraged the girl to observe what others did, analyze why their methods worked and try the methods for herself.

Sarnrak Konkeng Huajai Krang (Good Kids, Good Hearts) is an initiative operated since 2000 by AIS, the largest mobile phone operator in Thailand.  The children targeted by the initiative are “underprivileged children who demonstrate love and close tie to their families.”

While the scholarship recipients go to school, their families receive financial aid from Sarnrak as well since that allows the youngsters to attend school without worrying about having to help support their family.

Here’s a poem….


PAPA AND HIS NET

Papa sits on the gray-green sand.

His skin is leathered by the sun.

Jewel drops of water sparkle in the darkness of his hair.

White salt traces down his arms, his back, his chest.

His rough, brown hands weave the shuttle delicately.

Like a bird, it flies intricate patterns over and through,

As the net grows whole.

 

Papa talks about the fish the net and he have captured.

It is a strong net, his best net.

Not even a big uhu could escape it.

Manini and weke they have caught by the score.

He snagged it on some rocks and it was wounded,

Torn upon the cruel, black pōhaku.

He mourns the jagged tears as his hands deftly flutter,

As the net grows whole.

 

Papa argues with a friend, things fishermen argue.

He swaps lies about the ones he and his net “almost,

And he brags about the ones that didn’t get away.

His eyes twinkle when he shows his teeth in laughter.

They shine in amusement at the whoppers and the toppers

And the ones that flop,

And his hands – his rough, brown hands – keep on flying,

As the net grows whole.

by Netta Kanoho

Header photo credit:  “Teach Me” by Giovanna Matarazzo via Flickr [CC BY-NC]

Thanks for your visit.  I’d appreciate it if you would drop a note or comment below and tell me your thoughts.

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YOUR WALK TALKS — Another IPS

YOUR WALK TALKS — Another IPS

Another IPS (Inner Peace Symptom):  a growing awareness that the only thing that abides is the way you walk.  [How are you walking and how is your walk talking?]

Assorted studies have shown that the way you walk down the street increases your chances of being a victim, a target for challenge, or a welcome addition to a group.

If that’s so, it seems to me, then all of the possible different ways you could walk are likely to evoke responses from the people around you and might even determine how you’ll be treated by them.

STUDYING THE MOVES

This video, “100 Different Ways to Walk,” is actually an “animation reference” put together by stop-motion animator and self-styled video wizard Kevin Parry in 2017 as a way to remind himself of the wide variety of ways a humanoid might walk.

It’s a thing Parry uses to develop the action in his stop-motion animation films.  It can also be a way for you to pay attention to the emotions and reactions different ways of walking might evoke in you.

Check it out and think on how you might react and what you might feel about a person if you happened to see someone walking past you using one of these different ways of moving through the world.

What would you think about this person?  What is your likely reaction to him or her?  Your responses to each of these ways of movement might be surprisingly different.

If you like Parry’s work, you may want to check out his official website.  click-here

My thought is that if the way you move your body can evoke emotions and reactions from other people who are watching what you do, then it’s likely that the way you are moving yourself through your world  – your actions and the ways you deal with others around you, the choices you make and the paths you take – can also cause other people to react to you in very different ways.

YOUR TALK STAYS TALK IF YOU DON’T DO THE WALK

The thing is, as American author, speaker and pastor John C. Maxwell succinctly put it, “Your talk talks and your walk talks, but your walk talks louder than your talk talks.”

“I have to start doing that!”  Oh, yeah.

“I NEED to do that!”  Uh-huh.

You hear that all the time, right?

talking-over-supper
“Talking Over Supper” by John Flannery via Flickr [CC BY-SA 2.0]
Every time there’s some new study and whenever some new idea or concept starts making the rounds, the noise level gets louder and there’s a flurry of “Me-too, me-too, I’m going to do it!”

What’s your initial reaction to all that?  Maybe you throw a little bit of a cynical grin?  Maybe a little snort or snigger?

I bet you don’t really take all the foo-fah-rah seriously.  You’ve heard it all before, after all.  People tell you what they’re going to do or what they need to do and how they are going to really, really do it…but, then, they never get around to it somehow.

Or maybe they tried something and it didn’t go as they expected.  It was really hard and the results were not what they wanted.  It was disappointing and not at all the thing.

So these folks are going to try this next great thing, and this time….hoo-hoo!  They will do it.  Right.

After a while, the blathering tires out your ears.

In our younger days we might have been surprised and even disappointed by the lack of follow-through.  Eventually it’s very likely that we pretty much stop paying attention to the pronouncements and declarations filling up the airwaves.

Instead, we start paying attention to the way the people doing all that talking are walking.  We give a heck of a lot more credence to the other person’s consistent action over a long period of time.

WASH, RINSE, REPEAT

Fact.  If you change back to your old behaviors every time you hit a speed-bump, nobody is going to believe you want a different world.

Talk is inexpensive.  All of us say things all the time about who we are, what we can do, what we’re going to do and on and on.

Walking is not so easy to fake.

walking
Walking” by oatsy40 via Flickr [CC BY-2.0]
If you stay the course (as hard as that is to do) you will gain credibility.  The longer you keep walking towards that goal you say you’re heading towards and the fact that you keep on doing it no matter what is very convincing.

When your words and your actions match each other and they demonstrate who you are, then people will start to believe that what you say really is what you do.

Positive thinker Ralph Marston, who puts together the popular positivity blog, The Daily Motivator, says it well: “What you say can make a big difference, but only if it is fully supported by what you do. Walk your talk, and both your walking and your talking will get great things done.”

This YouTube video, “Why Our Actions Speak Louder than Words” was published in 2016 by biologist-turned-filmmaker Rob Nelson.   It adds another take on the matter.

Rob and his collaborator Jonas Stenstrom, another biologist-cum-filmmaker, put together a channel on YouTube, “52 Things” which is specifically geared towards “making better science storytellers with photo and video.”  They are producing a series of videos to help other science bloggers become better filmmakers.

Check out their Patreon page.  If you’d like to become a patron and support them in this endeavor, click here:

click-here

Here’s a poem:


NOTHING COMING

Hey, Braddah….

I’m sorry to see that I was right.

(I had so hoped I was wrong.)

You’re showin’ you cannot handle

Dealing straight with the trust

You were given.

 

The excuses and rationalizations

Are flying so thick,

I cannot even talk.

I have no advice for you…

No it’s-gonna-be-all-right,

No absolution.

This one’s yours

And you’ll have to fix it –

A D.I.Y. project.

 

You’re feeling guilty.

I can see that,

Uh-huh….

The shaky structure you have built

On this shifting sand of maybes and couldas and shouldas

Is getting washed away,

Undermined by the waves of murky thoughts

Generated by too many issues

That have nothing to do with me.

 

I’m sorry, man.

You’re the one who keeps on digging the hole.

And, for real, I’ve run out of hands to help.

 

Guess you’re gonna have to deal, Braddah-man….

Created by Netta Kanoho

Header photo credit:  “Haleakala Sunrise by lwtt93 via Flickr [CC BY-2.0]

Thanks for your visit.  I’d appreciate it if you would drop a note or comment below and let me know what you think.

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BRIDGING THE CONGRUENCE GAP

BRIDGING THE CONGRUENCE GAP

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  We all say it.  We want to spend more time with the people we love.  We want to spend time on the things that matter most to us – things that bring us joy, projects or activities that are fulfilling.

We want, we want, we want.  Uh-huh.

THE GAP BETWEEN SAY AND DO

This short, made-on-the-fly YouTube video, published by Prosperity TV in 2015, “The Congruence Gap,” features Randy Gage, an internationally acknowledged expert on prosperity and success.

It has one big idea:  Very often there is a gap between what we say we want and what we do. 

It also has one big question:  Is it time to check the evidence?

Gage’s bio reads like a novel.  The millionaire started out as a high school drop-out and juvenile delinquent arrested for armed robbery at the age of 15.  He made it past juvie jail time, assorted addictions, and getting shot, as well as the various risings and fallings of a dedicated hustler all the way to near-bankruptcy before he turned himself around and started moving on up.

In 1990, the guy began writing self-help books on the subject of prosperity and a year later formed a coaching and training business, Gage Research and Development Institute, Inc.

Since that time he’s published a dozen books.  Gage’s very first book HOW TO BUILD A MULTI-LEVEL MONEY MACHINE: The Science of Network Marketing was considered to be a seminal work on how to be a success in the network marketing business.

Two of his other books have become New York Times bestsellers:  RISKY IS THE NEW SAFE: The Rules Have Changed, and MAD GENIUS:  Manifesto for Entrepreneurs.

Gage has also spoken to more than two million people across more than 50 countries and is a member of the Speakers Hall of Fame, it says here.   Whew!

 CHECKING THE EVIDENCE

What Gage touches on in his little video is a thing developed by London Business School professor and business coach Richard Jolly.  It has been used, adapted and  expanded by others.  The exercise is called the “Calendar Diagnostic.”  It takes a bunch of time spent head- and heart-bending.  It can be well worth the effort.

calendar
“Calendar” by Dafne Cholet via Flickr [CC BY-2.0]
Here’s what you do:

First, you grab a piece of paper and ask yourself these burning questions:

  •  What does success look like to me?
  •  What’s my definition of a good job, a good career or a good life?
  •  What values and priorities do I hold most dear and want to live?
  •  What feeds me? What is inspiring and life-enriching for me?
  •  What are my top three priorities in all of this? Decide what and who are the most important  in your life. 

Next, pull out your last year’s calendar or planner…whatever you use to stay on top of your to-do list.  Ask yourself:

  •  What were my three biggest commitments each week? Each month?
  •  What did I spend my time doing?
  •  What did I do on weekends?
  •  Did I take any time off or any vacation time? What did I do then?

Write down your answers.  Reflect on them. 

Now, for each of your top three priorities, ask yourself this:

  • How much alignment is there between what I say I want (my priorities) and how I spend my time?
  • Am I saying “yes” to the most important things and people in my life?

If you are walking your talk, give yourself a round of applause and just keep walking that walk.  Maybe throw in a couple of dance steps or cartwheels or something.

AFTER THE WAKE-UP CALL

However, maybe after working your way through this exercise, you get whacked upside the head with the hard evidence that somehow your walk is not matching your talk.  Ouch!

morning-alarm-clock
“Morning Alarm Clock 1” by Paul Swansen via Flickr [CC BY-ND 2.0]
The next step (after you stop bad-mouthing and scolding yourself yet again) is to grab up another piece of paper and start detailing alternative actions you could-might-(maybe) take.

Want to get healthy?  How can you do that?  Make a list, break it down.  (Forget about slicing or chopping.  Think dicing.  Think mincing.)

Want to work on strengthening relationships with your heart-people?  What tiny moves can you make to do that?

Want to learn something new, start a new exploration, develop a new skill or new mindset or expand one you already enjoy?  What small actions can you make to get that started?

  • Think on the actions you can take that align with your most treasured values and goals. Make them tiny.  Make them little.  Don’t go all grandiose.  Just do small.
  • And make lists – column A, column B, and column C — one column for each of your top priorities.
  • After you’ve made up one weensy, tiny step you could make for each of your top three priorities, sprinkle these steps throughout your days.
  • Pull out your current calendar or planner. Start adding at least one of the little alternative actions that align with what you say you want to do to your calendar.  Do it for the next four weeks – just one month.   Pick one from column A, one from Column B and one from column C and add each one to a specific day for each week.  Choose a time – morning, afternoon, evening — when you’re going to do this one thing.
  • Then when you get to that calendar date, you know that on this day, besides all of the other stuff you’re going to do, you will also do the little step or action you’ve scheduled that aligns your walk with your talk.

After you get through one month of days, re-evaluate. 

  • Are you ready for another step from each of the columns?
  • Or do you want to keep on doing the same one for a while?
  • Has there been some new development that requires some other step you haven’t listed or even thought of? (Add it to the list, add that one item to your calendar, if it’s appropriate, and go….)

Set up your next four weeks in the same way.  Go.

 If you keep doing that, over and over again, at the end of the next year when you do your calendar diagnostic again, you may be delighted at the way you’ve begun to bridge that congruence gap.

You may like the way your moves and actions are trending.  And, maybe, you’ll have thought up more ideas for the journey you are making.   Go, you!

FINAL THOUGHTS

One of my favorite quotes from Randy Gage is this one:  “There is no random.  Your life is the harvest of your thoughts…. And your results come from the thoughts you give precedence to.  Instead of letting thoughts ‘happen,’ you must be mindful, becoming the thinker of the thought.”

thinker
“Thinker” by Albert via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
Keep on thinking good thoughts….

Here’s a poem:


LOOKING SIDE-EYE

Looking side-eye at the World,

Seeing how my reflections are moving

In that crackled-crazy mirror,

I catch glimpses sometimes

Of the Universe that bides in me.

 

Watching as the World moves,

Doing what it does,

It occurs to me that, really,

I am a transparency –

Not really here or there or anywhere –

A figment of my own imagination.

 

The World of Dust does not notice

What I do or do not do,

Even though my own mind it is

That tries to wrap itself

All around the constructs

Dancing in the wind.

 

Illusions and delusions join hands

In a stomp-dance,

Insisting on making a big noise,

A brave sound that pierces

The silent Dark surrounding us.

 

And here I sit, thinking, thinking, thinking,

While my body urges me to get on up

And join that joyous, rowdy mob

And my spirit tells me it’s time and

More than time to go soaring,

My mind floats quiescent.

 

Ah, well…

At least this thing I do

Makes okay-good poetry once in a while.

by Netta Kanoho

Header photo credit:  “At Black Lake, Gap Dunloe” by Michael Foley via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]

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WALK LIKE A HAWAIIAN

WALK LIKE A HAWAIIAN

In 1986, the American band, The Bangles, released “Walk Like an Egyptian.”  All over the world, people started doing the walk and walking like an Egyptian.  It was fun!

Last year an Australian couple, Zoe Russell and Brad Moore, went to Egypt.  Russell, who is a travel blogger, posted a cute, lip-synced version of the song that was intended for the enjoyment of their family and friends.  Check it out:

The video went viral in Egypt. The Egyptian tourism industry got behind it and the cute little video got more than 450,000 views on Facebook.  In April, 2017, ABC News Australia did a story on it.

THE WAY YOU WALK

This bit of fun got me to thinking about all of the different ways people have of walking in the world.

Part of the way that each of us walks, I think, is a matter of culture.  The culture into which you are born and raised often has a lot to do with the qualities you bring to the way you walk in the world and interact with other people.  Many of your highest aspirations come from it.

WALKING HAWAIIAN

I was born and raised in Hawaii and that surely affects my default mode of walking.  It’s a good way, I think.

The thing you have to know, first of all, is that Hawaiians have a deep, ingrained respect for the power of the word, and many of our words are descriptions of the character traits of the people in our lives.

kanaka-makua
“Kanaka Makua” — petroglyph rubbing by Netta Kanoho (rock carved by Fred Kanoho)

Let me introduce you to the concept of kanaka makua.

According to the author of Nana I Ke Kumu:  Look to the Source, the highest aspiration of a Hawaiian is to be a kanaka makua, a person who is emotionally and mentally mature.

Aunty Mary Kawena Puku’i, the Hawaiian elder who was the resource for much of the knowledge that is recorded in scholarly books on Hawaiian thought and language, said, “A kanaka makua thinks.  He doesn’t jump into things.  He takes responsibility…  controls temper…is not scatter-brained …realizes that anger can cause hihia (an ever-widening, increasingly damaging network of ill-feeling)…sensible…kind…thoughtful….”

But, most of all, the author says, a kanaka makua is hospitable with a hospitality that “connotes a warm and generous giving and sharing, whether of food or companionship or concern and comfort, always in a person-to-person way.  (He has outgrown the infantile grasping to get all one can and keep all one has….).”

THE GOOD DOCTOR FINDS THE WORDS

In any language, there are words and phrases, stories and proverbs that describe human character traits and qualities (admirable and not).

One person who collected such words was the Reverend Dr. Charles McEwen Hyde, a Congregational minister  who began teaching Native Hawaiian pastors from 1877.  Hyde developed a list of Hawaiian words and proverbs while conducting group discussions with his Hawaiian students at his North Pacific Missionary Institute.

charles-mcewen-hyde
Charles McEwen Hyde by Not Given {{Public Domain}} via Wikimedia Commons.

He wrote a number of articles in Thomas G. Thrum’s Hawaiian Almanac and Annual as well as the Hawaiian Gazette Monthly in the late 1800’s.  In them he included all the words he could discover.

Looking over his lists gives you a pretty accurate idea about what was considered admirable in a person during that time.  The nuances attached to the words can be interesting.

BALANCE

Probably a kanaka makua would be considered to be ku, proper and fit.  It is likely that he would be one who is kapukapu, entitled to reverence and respect, being dignified and separate from what is common.

The kanaka makua has a na’au pono (balanced mind) and is just, right-minded and upright.

wave-rider
“Wave Rider” by Jason Jacobs via Flickr [CC BY-2.0]
He is also nakulu’ai, upright and praiseworthy.  (A chief or common person respected for virtuous conduct was called kolokolohai, a term of respect for someone who is thoughtful, humble and kind.)

Perhaps this person would be considered ka’oka’o — whole and undivided because he removes himself from wrongdoing.

GENTLENESS, HARMONY, HUMILITY

Gentleness, harmony and humility were considered the most important character traits.  A person who is ‘elemino is “gentle, without noise or confusion, and easy in manners.” (The word implies “straightness” and “uprightness” as well.)

One who is gentle-mannered and soft-spoken is nahenahe, like a quiet breeze.  As one proverb says, “He ‘olina leo ka ke aloha,” (a joyousness is in the voice of love).  Love, it says, speaks in a gentle and joyous voice, not in harshness or gruffness.

Unity and harmony is often emphasized.  Someone who is kohukohu, “harmonious in opinion” is also considered to be noble, honorable and dignified.  One proverb admonishes, “I ho’okahi kahi ke aloha.”  (Be united in the bond of affection.)

shaka-aloha
“Shaka Aloha” by Ethan Chiang via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
One who lives quietly and is humble is ha’aha’a.  Such a person might say, “He paepae wawae ko’u ‘ili no kona kapua’i” (my skin is like the soles of his feet) as an expression of humbleness that acknowledges the superiority of some other person.

The word hilu also describes someone who is still, quiet, reserved and dignified.  Unlike ha’aha’a, it also implies elegance, power and magnificence.

CALMNESS, GRACE

Calmness and grace were prized.  One proverb says of one who remains calm in the face of difficulty, “He po’i na ka uli, kai ko’o, ‘a’ohe hina puko’a,” (though the sea be deep and rough, the coral rock remains standing).

true-beauty
“True Beauty” by CRASH:candy via Flickr [CC BY-NC 2.0]

GENEROSITY, KINDNESS, BENEVOLENCE

Generosity, kindness, and benevolence was emphasized.  One who is manawale’a gives willingly, cheerfully and liberally, even giving generously to those who are undeserving.

Kahiau means to give away lavishly, from the heart, expecting nothing in return.

Kihikau means to give lavishly until everything is gone.  (This is listed as a positive human quality.)

One proverb quips, “he ‘opu halau,” which is said of a person who is kind, gracious and hospitable.  The literal meaning of this phrase is “a house-like stomach,” but it means that the person has a heart as big as a house.

Hospitality, especially to strangers, is an outward sign of generosity.  One proverb says, “He ola i ka leo kahea” (there is life in a hospitable call).

welcome-luau
“Welcome Luau” (BYU-Hawaii) by Nathan Lehano via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
People who are generous to a fault are considered to be “disposed in feeling and action to do good”, lokomaika’i, and are likely to be benevolent and obliging.  Grace and good will are theirs.

As one proverb says, “‘Ino ka palu ‘a’ohe e mikokoi ‘ia e ka i’a.” It helps to know that palu is bait made of dried, mashed octopus liver when you’re told that this proverb says, “When the bait is not good, fish will not gather to eat it.”  In other words, goodness and graciousness always attracts attention.

One who is kindly and forgiving is considered to have na’au ali’i (the sensibilities of a chief).  One who is warm-hearted is called pumehana.

SKILLFUL MEANS

Skillful action, excellence in work, industriousness, and neatness or tidiness are also part of the kanaka makua ideal.

Being diligent in business and active is to be nakue.   (The word carries a connotation of being cheerful, hopeful, perhaps even thrilled.)

Men who are skillful, ingenious or dexterous with natural skill, wisdom or ingenuity are called maiau.  Women who have these qualities are called loia.

Someone who is miki, energetic, active, ready to act and diligent, is greatly appreciated.  One who is miki’ala is alert, punctual and ready for business.  Someone who is mimiki works with a will, is quick and spry and very industrious.

teaching-little-brother-to-play
“Teaching Little Brother To Play” by Sarah Han via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
A person who is more than prompt and present before it is time to start work is paku’ei.

One who is prepared, energetic and active is pulawalawa.

INTELLIGENCE, THOUGHTFULNESS

Intelligence is prized.  An intelligent person is called akamai, smart, or na’auao, which literally means “daylight mind” and implies enlightenment.

Being skillful and thoughtful in reflection, eloquent and moving in speech is being mikolelehua.

One who is thoughtful might also be called lana ka mana’o, hopeful and without worry, or kuano’o, comprehending and meditative.

thoughtful
“Thoughtful” by edward musiak via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
To understand, to see clearly and plainly, and to be insightful is to be maopopo.

COURAGE

Courage is prized in a warrior culture.  A person who is koapaka is valiant, brave and a success as a combatant.

Having a firm stance, being kuha’o (or standing like iron) is important, as is being maka’u ‘ole, fearless. The word kuo’o expands the idea of fearlessness to include being vigilant, ready, and prompt in action.  (Solemnity and dignity seem to be attached to kuo’o.)

Someone who is lalama, on the other hand, is fearless, daring and adventurous like a mountain climber.

courage
“Courage” by Christian Michel via Flickr [CC BY-2.0]
To be wiwo’ole is also to be bold and fearless.  One way to achieve clarity and be devoid of fear in the middle of danger, it is said, is mohala, to open or calm the mind.

A person who is kamau has great endurance and perseverance especially in uncertain time.  This description implies constancy and loyalty as well.

Kupa’a ka mana’o means “faithful in thought, settled in mind.”  Kupa’a is steadfastness, faithfulness, loyalty and determination.  It literally means “to stand fast.”

IT’S THE LAW….

One of the most famous words in the Hawaiian language is “aloha.” It has echoed through all the world, been turned into a slogan, a mission statement, an assortment of brands, and so on and so forth.  It’s become, alas, something of a cliché.

aloha
“Aloha” by Peter Liu via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
I find it interesting that the state of Hawaii has a law on the books that requires public officials to “contemplate and reside with the life force and give consideration” to an essentially native spiritual concept.

They call it the “Law of the Hawaiian Spirit.”

This is what the law says:

  •   5-7.5 “Aloha Spirit”. (a) “Aloha Spirit” is the coordination of mind and heart within each person. It brings each person to the self. Each person must think and emote good feelings to others. In the contemplation and presence of the life force, “Aloha“, the following unuhi laulā loa may be used:
    Akahai“, meaning kindness to be expressed with tenderness;
    Lōkahi“, meaning unity, to be expressed with harmony;
    ʻOluʻolu” meaning agreeable, to be expressed with pleasantness;
    Haʻahaʻa“, meaning humility, to be expressed with modesty;
    Ahonui“, meaning patience, to be expressed with perseverance.
    These are traits of character that express the charm, warmth and sincerity of Hawaii’s people. It was the working philosophy of native Hawaiians and was presented as a gift to the people of Hawaiʻi. ”Aloha” is more than a word of greeting or farewell or a salutation. ”Aloha” means mutual regard and affection and extends warmth in caring with no obligation in return. “Aloha” is the essence of relationships in which each person is important to every other person for collective existence. ”Aloha” means to hear what is not said, to see what cannot be seen and to know the unknowable.
    (b) In exercising their power on behalf of the people and in fulfillment of their responsibilities, obligations and service to the people, the legislature, governor, lieutenant governor, executive officers of each department, the chief justice, associate justices, and judges of the appellate, circuit, and district courts may contemplate and reside with the life force and give consideration to the “Aloha Spirit”. [L 1986, c 202, § 1]

Hawaii may be the only State in the Union that mandates that its public officials show love for the people they serve.  Hmmm….

Here’s a poem:


HAWAIIANS TEACH BY LIVING

 

“Kuli, kuli…too much noise,”

Tutu would always say

To the loud and curious grandchild

Who ran around all day,

Looking for the answers,

Wanting to know NOW,

Always looking for shortcuts,

Grumbling about ‘as how.

 

Too much questions,

Too much talking,

Too much namunamu.

Close your mouth, move your hands.

One day you will understand.

 

One day…

 

Lessons you learn in silence,

Watching hands move

With graceful skill.

 

Lessons you find in silence,

Hearing old voices,

Talking long and slow.

 

Lessons you see in silence,

By doing it over

Again and again.

 

Lessons you feel in silence,

Wondering, pondering,

While the old ones play.

 

Hawaiians teach by living.

It’s the only way they know.

If you want to learn, be still.

When you stop making noise,

They will show.

by Netta Kanoho

Header Photo Credit:  “Aloha – Company On a Long Drive” by Matt via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]

Thanks for your visit.  I’d appreciate it if you’d drop a comment or note below and tell me your thoughts.

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BOUNCING BACK

BOUNCING BACK

Resilience researchers ask why some people handle adversity better than others and go on to lead normal lives despite negative life experiences while others get de-railed by them.

After years of study, they pretty much figured out that the old guys had the right of it:  You need to stay positive.  You need to have a good crew at your back.

ONE SCIENTIFIC STUDY

This YouTube video from Big Think, “Resilience Lessons from Our Veterans” features psychiatrist Dennis Charney, the Dean of the Mount Sinai Icahn School of Medicine discusses his book, RESILIENCE:  The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges, which he wrote with Steven Southwick, who is the Professor of Psychiatry, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Resilience at Yale Medical School.

According to the good doctors, the right kind of optimism as well as a strong support network are key factors in developing resilience.

ANOTHER TAKE ON IT

International bestselling author Paul McGee wrote HOW TO SUCCEED WITH PEOPLE:  Remarkably Easy Ways to Engage, Influence and Motivate Almost Anyone.  He did a series of remarkably satisfying podcasts published by Capstone Publishing in 2013 with riffs taken from his book.  Here’s the one about being resilient….

PULLING IT TOGETHER

Emily Esfahani Smith, in her book, THE POWER OF MEANING:  Crafting a Life That Matters, pulls together a whole body of information about resilience and gives some insight into the characteristics of resilient people and how they keep on bouncing back.

She tells us that resilient people have the following assets in their set of character traits:

  • Purpose and a worthy goal
  • A moral compass that’s tied to altruism or selflessly serving others
  • Social support
  • Spirituality (which could be defined as a “source of strength and power that is greater than yourself”).
  • A natural inclination to continue on through adversity.

According to most resilience researchers some people naturally resist adversity better than others.  Maybe it’s their genetic makeup.  Maybe their early life experiences predisposed them to this way of doing things.

But, Smith says, resilience is not a fixed trait.  Everyone can learn to adapt to stress more effectively by developing a set of psychological tools to help them cope with stressful events.

She points out three successful mindsets and strategies that center on finding meaning in the everyday that work:

OPPORTUNITY MINDSET.  If you can see a stressful situation as a challenge and not as a threat, you are more likely to just keep on keeping on.

“IT’S NORMAL” MINDSET.  If you can see the difficulties and obstacles in front of you as a natural part of how the world works, then you free yourself from stressing about how it’s all because YOU are not-this or YOU are not-that and YOU don’t belong  and YOU are not-supposed-to…and the rest of that garbage.

This mindset can set your mind free from the uncertainties about “belonging” and the doubts that rise up when you’re doing something that is not what the people you want to impress would do.   It allows you to just keep going.

“KEEP YOUR FOCUS ON THE JOB” MINDSET.  If you focus on how doing what you’re doing can help you and others live out self-transcendent values (rather than focusing on how to promote your own self and your own agenda), it’s easier to keep on moving forward.

Smith believes that keeping the life values that are important to you firmly in mind helps to protect you from the damage that stressing over some outcome or other can do.

cahill-craziness
“Cahill Craziness” by Helen Taylor via Flickr [CC BY-NC 2.0]

MY OWN THOUGHT

All of the foregoing stuff gets me to thinking about what the old guys called “gumption.”

Merriam-Webster says “gumption” showed up in the early 1700’s as a word.  Its earliest uses referred to “intelligence” and “energy”.  By the 1860’s Americans were using the word to imply “ambition” and “tenacity.”  It has since evolved into a synonym for “courage” and “get-up-and-go.”

Bouncing back requires all of that.  It’s good to know that they can be developed, they can evolve and they can grow.

 

sunrise-over-maui
Sunrise Over Maui by Rose Braverman Molokai Hawaii via Flickr [CC BY-2.0]

Another IPS (Inner Peace Symptom):  an understanding that the thing you absolutely cannot lose is your gumption.  [Nothing is sadder than somebody whose gumption got up and went.  Hang on to that gumption!]

Here’s one more YouTube video, “Resilience:  Hard Times Motivation” published by Eric Thomas and the Marshall Training Systems guys:

Whew!

And here’s a poem:


MEBBE NEX’ TIME

There you are,

A bit shaky still as you stagger up the beach

Out of the foam.

Life took you and tossed you

Over the falls…again,

But you made it through that maelstrom

More or less intact.

 

There you are, still standing,

Dripping wet and breathing hard.

The pounding’s rubbed you ragged,

But you’re in one piece and you’re moving.

Wobbly as you are,

You’ll be reaching for your board again,

Looking for the next wave,

“Spahking-out” the next ride.

 

Eh!

Good one, brah!

Mebbe nex’ time you goin’ get ’em!

You go!

by Netta Kanoho

Header Picture credit:  “Engulfed” by Nathan Rupert via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]

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FINDING YOUR OWN BALANCE

FINDING YOUR OWN BALANCE

The wise guys say Life is a balance.  Physically that is a truth.  You breathe in and you breathe out.  Too much breathing in and you hyperventilate; too little and you turn blue.  Eat too much and you gain weight; eat too little and you waste away.

Balance is fascinating.   I remember that as kids, my friends and I used to try getting the teeter-totter plank to sit perfectly level on its fulcrum as we piled on.  We never did get it quite right.  We tried sitting in different positions on the see-saw board, adjusting the mix of thin and fat kids and throwing in assorted pets as part of the challenge.  It was a heck of a lot of fun.

see-saw
“Children View See-Saw” by Marcelo Campi via Flickr [CC BY-SA 2.0]
This YouTube video, “Defying Gravity With Korea’s Premier Balance Artist” was recently published by Great Big Story, the result of a collaboration with Korean Air.  In it artist Rocky Byun, a “balance artist” based in Tancheon, South Korea demonstrates how he is able to find the balance point in anything – rocks, furniture…even bikes and motor scooters.  His amazing sculptures appear to defy gravity.

In another, earlier video filmed at a shopping mall in Dubai and posted to YouTube by Pretty Pink in 2013, Byun is shown performing his art.  He constructs sculptures that incorporate everything from a bunch of irregularly shaped rocks, a laptop, a motor scooter, and even a small refrigerator standing on one corner.

ORIGINS OF WORK-LIFE BALANCE

There is one balancing act that is even more difficult than what Byun and his fellow balance artists can do.  That is the one that’s been dubbed “the work-life balance.”

Everybody is supposed to work at getting that one right.  Somehow, some way, we are all supposed to aim for developing an optimal career AND have an optimal family or personal life as well.  Ri-i-i-ght.

Before the Industrial Revolution, there wasn’t much talk about trying to balance work and the rest of life.  Most people lived in the middle of their work.  Farmers, for example, lived on their farms and the whole family pitched in to help grow and harvest crops as well as take care of all the other things necessary for living.

Work and the rest of life were not separate things.  Work was just part of living.  With the developments of automation, factories, and corporate offices came the Big Divide.  It became normal for “work” to happen “someplace else.”

“Work” became a “job” or a “career” and got compartmentalized away from the other lifestyle things like family, health, leisure, pleasure, community-building and spiritual development.  The priorities of the work-place and the job or the career were often very different from the kinds of priorities one needs to set for personal development or for the growing of relationships and families.

It all takes time and effort, no matter whether you want to get good at your job, advance in your career, develop as an individual, or participate in group or community activities.  It can get terribly complicated.

The expression “work-life balance” was first used in the United Kingdom in the late 1970’s to describe the balance between an individual’s work and his or her personal life.  In the United States, the phrase was first used in 1986.

DEALING WITH THE SEPARATION OF WORK AND LIFE

By 2010 there were all kinds of studies about work-life balances and imbalances and the effect that work has on the rest of a person’s life.  It’s a given, they say:  When the work-life balance is out-of-whack, you get out of whack.

Theories abound about how one goes about finding a “proper” balance.  Everybody weighs in with their own prescriptions and solutions to the dilemma as technology makes it easier and easier to stay connected with your work-world regardless of where you happen to be.

It’s sort of ironic, that.  Now “work” happens at home again and still we separate it from the rest of life.

It would not be so distressing if there wasn’t such a lot of guilt attached to our failure to get the balance “right” and real.  You want to be a success at your work.  You want to have a grand family life and lots of friends and so on.

Everybody tells you that you can do it all, have it all.  (And the sub-text is:  What are ya?  Lazy or something?)

BALANCE OR BUST

The problem, of course, is that you’re trying to make all the differently weighted and shaped things in your life form a structure that defies gravity….flies, even.  You’re trying to be an amateur balance artist and your structures don’t come out looking elegant and awesome like Byun’s work.  Trying to get the balance right is not nearly half as much fun as the game my friends and I used to play with the see-saws.

One way to make it all work is to run yourself ragged trying to get it all done.  That one often ends up with you all twisted into a stressed-out pretzel.  Not good.

This YouTube video by Anna Stefaniak for The School of Life, “Work-Life Balance,”  lends some much-needed perspective on the subject, I think.

Another way to find the right “balance” for you is to decide what your purpose is in life, what brings meaning and mana to it…not somebody else’s pronouncements about what is right and good and real.  Just your own thoughts.

Here’s a YouTube video, “Work/Life Balance Is a Myth” by award-winning American photographer  Chase Jarvis.  In it, he points out that not everyone is cut out for the mad dash of doing-doing-doing that can lead to $ucce$$ big-time…and the real is, they don’t actually have to be.

It is possible, after all, to have a meaningful ordinary life.  It just depends on what you want and where you put your head.

 

Jarvis helped to co-found an online education platform, creativeLIVE in 2010.   The group puts together free on-line classes and works to help Creatives market their work.  The tools they provide can help other Creatives realize their own dreams.  A good thing.

FINAL THOUGHT – ANOTHER IPS

crater sunrise
“Crater Sunrise” by Chad Goddard via Flickr [CC BY-ND 2.0]

Another IPS (Inner Peace Symptom):  an understanding that you are the framework of your own life.  [You’re the only one who can balance the elements of your life to create a synergy that supports you as you dance to your own heartsong.]

Here’s a poem:


MUNDANITIES

The mundanities are three:

People, money, and time.

If you understand those things,

The world will start to rhyme.

 

If the Celestial’s your focus,

The Mundane will make you fall.

Too much of the Mundane

And you can’t see up at all.

 

The only answer’s balance

And that’s not easy to do.

There really is no recipe

For this ever-changing stew.

 

You do the best you can,

You give the best you’ve got,

You’ll rise up and you’ll fall

And for sure you’ll hurt a lot.

 

And when there are no answers

When you can’t see what to do,

You can only trust the simple truth

Residing inside of you:

 

That the Universe keeps changing,

Moving first this way, then that,

And if you follow where it leads you,

You might make it through intact.

by Netta Kanoho

Header photo credit:  “Balance” by Thomas Hawke via Flickr [CC BY-NC 2.0]

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FAIL BETTER

FAIL BETTER

Another IPS (Inner Peace Symptom):  an understanding that action and failure are two sides of the same coin.  [The trick is to use failure as a signal for a course correction rather than as a stop sign….]

FAILURE HAPPENS

I’ve just devoured a book, FAIL, FAIL AGAIN, FAIL BETTER:  Wise Advice For Leaning Into the Unknown, and it’s left me with a full and satisfied feeling.

This book grew out of the transcript of a commencement address by Pema Chodron, the American Buddhist nun who is also a best-selling author of many wisdom books.  Her teachers have included master Tibetan lamas, Dzigar Kontrul Rinpoche and Sakyong Mipham Rimpoche as well as the late Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche.  At various times since she became a nun in 1981, she served as the director of Karma Dzong in Boulder, Colorado and as the director of Gampo Abbey in Nova Scotia.

The speech from which the book was made was a promise fulfilled.  When her granddaughter Alexandria entered Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado, Ani Chodron told the girl she would give the commencement address when the Alexandria graduated.  This was a large gift.

When her granddaughter graduated in 2014, Chodron presented this speech.  It is based on a quote from Samuel Beckett who advised, “Ever tried?  Ever failed?  No matter.  Try again.  Fail again.  Fail better.

In this clip from an Oprah Winfrey Network “SuperSoul Sunday” episode published as a YouTube video in that same year, Chodron tells a little bit about the speech.

The book that was made from the speech is a graceful, simple thing, but, as is true of a lot of Chodron’s work, the information in it is layered, and it unpacks beautifully.

AN OLD STORY

My favorite bit is when Chodron tells an old Chinese story about an old farmer with a beautiful stallion and a strong and strapping son, both of whom are precious to him.

One day the horse runs away and the farmer’s wife and all their friends in the village moan and groan and tell each other how terrible it is.  The old man says, “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

the-gaze
“The Gaze” (of a wild Mongolian horse) by Marko Knuutila via Flickr [CC BY-2.0]
The next day the horse returns home with a wild mare.  The farmer’s wife and the villagers celebrate and tell each other what a grand thing it is.  Now the farmer and his wife have two horses.  The old man says, “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

The following day, the son decides to try and tame the wild mare.  The horse throws him off her and his leg is broken.  His wife and the villagers wail.  It is a catastrophe!  The old man says, “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

The day after that, the Chinese army comes through the village and conscripts all of the able-bodied men in the village to fight in the latest war.  The son, with his broken leg, stays home….well, you know what the farmer’s wife and the villagers said.  You know what the old man said.

That’s where the old story ends, but you do get the feeling that it probably goes on like that over and over again, ad infinitum, with the old man saying, “Maybe yes, maybe no” while the people around him mill about and react emphatically to every circumstance and situation.

Chodron advises the students to take the old man as a model as they go out into the world to meet whatever is out there for them.  She tells them, “If you can just remember the old man and what he had to say about what is happening, you’ll remember that you never know where something will lead.

GET CURIOUS

Her whole point is that we live in the middle of the Great Mystery.  Nobody knows where life will take us.  Nobody knows how we will grow and develop from moment to moment.

The nun tells the graduating class that it’s a good thing to get curious about your outer circumstances and notice how they impact your internal talk.  That internal talk will be what you carry around with you and it does impact what you do in the world.

Each of us is part of a continuing saga and it sometimes goes well for us and sometimes not.  Nobody can know what happens next.  It unfolds.

mystery-trip
“Mystery Trip” by Przemko Stachowski via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
Chodron advises that if you can avoid getting caught up or lost in the storyline, then there is the possibility that you will learn something about Mystery and about your own self.  You might even get to a space where you can stand still long enough in the rawness and vulnerability of what you feel to actually be able to get past it gracefully and learn the lessons each episode has for you.

From this space, you will be able to communicate the lessons you’ve learned from that to other people.  The event and your feelings about them become a door to a space where you can build something new.

The key to getting into that space where creativity and making can happen is to get curious.  To notice what is happening inside you as well as what is happening outside in the world.  To stand up again after you fall down.  To try again.  To “fail better,” as Beckett says.

This YouTube video, “Get Curious,” published by Sounds True, is a part of Chodron’s speech at the university.

AFTER THE TALK, MORE TALK

After the speech, Chodron agreed to a follow-up interview with Sounds True publisher Tami Simon.  This interview, which is another rarity for Chodron, is included in the book.  The teaching unpacks the points Chodron makes in her speech and also offers valuable strategies for working with the outer circumstances of your life to help develop your own inner strength and to reaffirm your own inner goodness.

At one point in all this Ani Pema says, “Failure opens an unguarded, vulnerable and wide open space.  And from that space the best part of ourselves come out.”

“Vulnerability” by Clive Moss via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
She goes on to explain how the process works and how it feels from the inside.

At the end, Chodron and Simon agree, there is only “Forward.”

FINAL THOUGHTS

My favorite quote from the FAIL, FAIL AGAIN, FAIL BETTER is this:  “Failing better means that failure becomes a rich and fertile ground instead of just another slap in the face.

I do recommend that you get this book.  The lady is wise.

Here’s a poem:


I HAD FORGOTTEN

 

I had forgotten:

wrapped up in

just the facts, m’am,

so busy measuring out

and weighing up

the ashes of old dreams,

caught in the conflagration

of yet another apocalyptic end,

I had forgotten

just how beautiful

the ruins look

and just how much I love

the nicked and dented

lived-in parts of

this life I have made.

 

Sometimes I confuse

the facts for the truth.

A common failing, I suppose.

 

And here I am again

working on being “special.”

 

Silly.

by Netta Kanoho

Header picture credit: “Scraggly Tree Sunrise” by Ken Schwarz via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]

Thanks for your visit.  I’d appreciate it if you’d drop a comment or note below and tell me your thoughts.

Chodron keeps pointing out that it’s never a one-shot deal.  There will be many opportunities for failure and many ways to fall down.   The trick is to work on learning how to use the failures and handle them in better ways.    Save

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HURRY SICKNESS AND SPARE TIME

HURRY SICKNESS AND SPARE TIME

There used to be a thing called “spare time” which was greatly anticipated and enjoyed by those who had it.  It was the time we had available to do other things than work, developing our hustle-muscle, or striving for S.M.A.R.T. goals.

Spare time nourished us and kept us engaged and enjoying life.  Spare time helped us to thrive in the middle of Life’s inevitable obstacles and challenges.  We were able to find meaning and mana in our ordinary lives because of our spare time.

Where did all the spare time go?

hurry-up
“Hurry Up” by Peter Grob via Flickr [CC BY-ND 2.0]

THE RISE OF HURRY SICKNESS

For many people it’s become a point of pride and a badge of honor now to be “Crazy Busy.”  The adrenaline rush of speeding through many tasks and communications can be addictive.  It feeds our illusion that we are always in high demand, that we’re conquering new territory and moving toward something grand.

The breath-taking pace of technological breakthroughs that help us feed our addiction for effortless speed and “saving time” and keeping up with the all of everything while  checking off to-do lists, hammering goals and piling up accomplishments is revved up and running, raining down every progressive technological wonder upon us and we are entranced.

Along with all the joys and blessings of our rapidly expanding technology, assorted researchers tell us, we are apparently experiencing an epidemic of “Hurry Sickness.”

crosstown-traffic
“Crosstown Traffic” by Bob M via Flickr [CC BY 2.0]

THE MIND-BODY CONNECTION

Hurry Sickness is not some newly discovered phenomenon.  The term was first coined by cardiologist Dr. Meyer Friedman.

Dr. Friedman and his colleague Dr. Ray Rosenman shared a cardiology practice in San Francisco in the 1950’s.  They began studying and writing about the link between behavior and heart disease.  Their then-controversial work introduced the concept of the mind-body connection that is still being investigated and explored by researchers today.

The doctors’ observations were published in a popular 1974 book, TYPE A BEHAVIOR AND YOUR HEART.  It was the start of a whole new field of study for behavior researchers as well as a way to explain a lot about the consequences of human behavior on physical, emotional and mental well-being  to the general public.

It started to turn the focus of their studies towards ways that people could help themselves look for and find ways to greater personal happiness.

“Type A personality” soon became a popular buzzword to describe the driven, tenacious and relentless strivers who were likely to snarl at slow-moving salesclerks and other minions, who were compulsive multi-taskers extraordinaire and often prone to road rage.  More easy-going folks were categorized as “The Type B personality.”

Friedman’s life work was trying to get people with a Type A personality to behave more like people with Type B personality.  He came up with a therapy regimen that was meant to modify Type A behavior.

As the good doctor was fond of reiterating, “You can’t change personalities.  We just try for more B-like behavior.”

slow-down-kid
“Slow Down Kid” by Predi via Flickr [CC BY-ND 2.0]

HURRY SICKNESS AND YOU

A YouTube Video published by the London School of Business, Do You Suffer From Hurry Sickness? points out some of the less-extreme symptoms of Hurry Sickness observed by Richard Jolly, a London Business School professor and business coach.

According to Jolly, about 95 percent of the managers he has studied suffer from the illness, which has been defined as the constant need to do more, faster (even when there’s no objective reason to be in such a rush).

Working at breakneck speed for extended periods of time does not enhance productivity; it reduces it,” declares Dr. Edward Hallowell, author of CRAZY BUSY: Overstretched, Overbooked, and About to Snap! Strategies For Coping In a World Gone A.D.D.

Some of Hallowell’s thoughts from the book are presented in this YouTube video, uploaded in 2006 by simplyab.

As Hallowell says in his book, “When we work too fast for too long we get tired, become inefficient, make mistakes, and become unable to think clearly and sharply.”

ANOTHER HIGH-STRESS SCENARIO

Our bodies and minds aren’t meant to endure continual stress.  We get irritable, easily angered and upset from frustration and exhaustion.

Hurry sickness increases the body’s output of the stress hormone cortisol, which suppresses the immune system and has been linked with heart disease.  Blood pressure spikes and eventually remains at an elevated level.  Hearts wear out.

Chronic stress has also been found to trigger allergies, arthritis, obesity, diabetes, depression, anxiety, insomnia, and loss of appetite…it says here.  Running all-out frantic is generally not good for health, productivity or happiness.

slow-down
“Slow Down” by Wil C. Fry via Flickr [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0]
When our bodies and our minds stay in a constant state of overstimulation, it’s like being surrounded by lions and tigers and bears that work in shifts.  Survival becomes the order of the day.

When you’re too busy, you don’t do anything well.  Relationships suffer.  Performance at work and productivity suffers.

As Jolly points out, when you are caught up in all of the minutiae of being connected every minute of the day and night, you cannot take the time to slow down a bit and ask the big, really important questions.  You get too frazzled to entertain any creative thoughts.

Worst of all, you don’t enjoy life.  How?  You’re too busy flying from one thing to the next and you just haven’t got the time.  If unchecked, studies have shown, all this jittering can lead to burn-out and depression.

Hurry sickness is not limited to executives and entrepreneurs.

A classic baby boomer children’s book, HURRY HURRY by Edith Thacher Hurd with old-timey illustrations by her husband Clement was a favorite of my children.  In it, a nanny Miss Muggs who is always in a great hurry comes to stay with Suzie while her parents are away.  Little Suzie gets pulled along faster and faster as the nanny’s great hurry leads from one disastrous situation to steadily worse ones.

[The Hurds were one of the children’s literature’s best-known teams in their time.  The book was part of the “I Can Read” book series published by Harper Books.  It came out in 1960 and it’s still a grand read.]

SEED THOUGHTS AND SUGGESTIONS

For real, it is surprisingly simple to overcome Hurry Sickness.  The thing is, it ain’t easy.

The main thing to understand is the wise guys were right.  There are just three things that can help you reach your freedom from busy:

  • Discernment (also known as asking the right questions)
  • Clarity (also known as deciding what and who are most important and necessary for happiness in your life)
  • Selectivity (also known as choosing to say “yes” to what is important to you, and “no” to everything else)

In later posts, I’ll be exploring these three.  I’ll present exercises and such that you can try to help mitigate the effects of Hurry Sickness.  There are all kinds of neat mind-games you can try.  Some of them may work for you.

In the meantime, here’s a list of assorted books that you might like to explore:

slow-down-snail
“Slow Down Snail” by Aftab Uzzaman via Flickr [CC BY-NC 2.0]
Here’s a poem:


WORD IS….

Word is the World’s not fair,

Twists and turns turn dreams to air.

 

[Make a new plan, Fran….

Set a new goal, Cole.]

 

You watch them crumple, bite the dust.

All that’s left is some soggy crust.

 

[Choose a new mark, Lark….

Start a new plot, Scott.]

 

Entropy rules and it don’t care

‘Bout your Big or your share.

 

[Find a new view, Lu….

Try a new trick, Slick.]

 

Time moves on, all in a flurry,

Pushing you to hurry, hurry.

 

[Shape a new deal, Sheil….

Find a new map, Sap.]

 

Proactive-reactive, boom-shaka-boom….

Drowning in all the doom and gloom.

 

[The game goes on, Dawn.

Do you REALLY want to play, Clay?]

By Netta Kanoho

Header photo credit:  Hurry!  By Michael Pardo via Flickr [CC BY 2.0]

Thanks for your visit.  I’d appreciate it if you’d drop a comment or note below and tell me your thoughts.

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